Chaudhary Nisar Ali tops the 2012 Hall of Shame!

Proud nominees of the Hall of Shame 2012

Proud nominees of the Hall of Shame 2012

Without qualification, being so close to elections, 2012 has been a testing year for every political party in Pakistan. With conspiracies, inter-party clashes and the rising corruption cases, the can of worms has truly been opened. Under this enhanced pressure, every party has had a slip-up or two and have uttered some laughable, some ridiculous, and some downright slanderous statements on the media front. On the forefront has once again been Rehman Malik; he simply loves the media. There’s no denying that Rehman Malik was born for this; he loves attention and attention loves him. Here’s a collection in ascending order of laugh-ability from top to bottom, of the 10 statements that have topped the charts for the 2012 Hall of Shame:

10. President Asif Ali Zardari’s on President Obama’s new term in office: He stated that he was confident that the leadership of the two countries would be able to further deepen and broaden bilateral relations on the basis of mutual respect and mutual interests.

Yes we certainly are respectful of each other. The frequent instances of US and Pakistani officials taking jibes at each other’s policies are in jest; you know, to keep the blood pumping. The U.S has been more respectful in particular, from Salala to Malala; it has had nothing but words of affection for us. Sadar sahab, is baar to aapnay had hi kardi !

9. Rehman Malik on Muharram terror activities – ‘More terror activities are expected in the upcoming days across Pakistan’.
Why Mr Senator, you may as well be reading weather forecasts on TV. Weather presenters are known for their nonchalance in presenting the most extreme of weather news. I think PTV’s found a new guy! Our dear senator oozes nonchalance, be it weather, be it terror.

8. Sirajul Haq, Jamaat-e-Islami said the US and the West were creating an atmosphere of the World War-III through making of blasphemous film. The blasphemous film is being produced to hurt the sentiments of Muslims.
No, the film was produced to show the world what headless chickens we can be in violence and anger. The producers of the film must have had a good laugh at the resultant death count. It transcends understanding of how WW III is being constructed through this film, but only Mr. Sirajul Haq can explain.

7. ‘There’s no movement in Pakistan by the name of Taliban’ – Maulana Fazlur Rehman

Really Maulana sahab? It’s one thing to question the integrity of the source of information, where someone is always taking responsibility or is mysteriously identified by ‘khufia idaaray’. However, one must be completely off their rockers to deny the existence of Taliban in the first place. Sir aisa na farmaayen liberals ka tou heart fail hojayega! Good Taliban kehlayn Bad Taliban kehlayn magar Taliban tou kehlayn!

6. Below are 2 statements by different political figures that are so similar in nature that I must club them into one:

Senator Shahi Syed from ANP, has said his party is against “all mafias, including bhatta mafia, weapons mafia and land mafia”, calling for a “transparent operation” against all extortionists

Talking to reporters on the sidelines of the Sindh Unity Conference at Mehran Arts Council, Farooq Sattar said people were fed up with the “bhatta mafia” (extortionists), asserting that the MQM had a right to speak out against this evil.

I’m sure most people have read something similar to what I’m going to say here: Salman Butt speaks out against match-fixers, Amir Liaqat speaks out against religious manipulation, Meher Bukhari against compromised TV hosts and Veena Malik against vulgarity.

5. Government would provide arms licenses to political and religious parties in Karachi to secure their offices from terrorism’ – Rehman Malik

Great idea Malik saab. Karachi is in serious need of weaponisation. All this peace is killing me. I got a better idea, why don’t you train them in melee combat too?
I am more reminded of the starting dialogue delivered by Nicholas Cage in one of the most brilliant movies I’ve ever seen ‘Lord of War’ – “There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That’s one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?’ You’re getting there Mr.Senator.

4. ‘I announce today that this blasphemer who has abused the Holy Prophet, if somebody will kill him, I will give that person a prize of $100,000,” Ghulam Ahmed Bilour said Saturday, adding that he’s ready to face the consequences of his actions.

Of course it’s much easier doing that in Pakistan where you know there are no consequences. So what next for the defenders of Islam? Hired mercenaries? Maybe the minister is in dire need of publicity. Nothing increases your visibility to the voting public better than a controversy with a righteous tinge to it.

3. Jamiat Ulema-i-Islam-Fazl (JUI-F) chief Maulana Fazlur Rehman, while terming Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) chief Imran Khan a “western agent,” claimed that Khan wants to destroy our society by injecting his ‘western thoughts’ in it.

Oh the western thoughts, those dastardly beings are at it again! Imran Khan must be wondering how to make himself endearing to any political party. The leftists call him a Taliban apologist, and the rightists call him a Western agent. Perhaps both sides feel threatened. There has to be some defined ethic codes in defamation and slander for all parties to follow!

2. Pakistan’s PM Raja Pervaiz Ashraf addressed the nation in Islamabad: “People of Pakistan should not worry because of the increasing population. It has some positive affects too” He further said that Pakistan is a country of limitless resources with atomic power in its possession.

Here you go folks. Our Prime Minister has given the official license to go forth and multiply! A family of 14? No fear, atomic power is here! Perhaps he needs reminding that our nuclear power generation is not even close to global standards. Perhaps his optimism on growing population will be understandable when the government unearths those limitless resources, including the projects they’re currently holding up.

1. In a statement, Chaudhry Nisar from PML-N said that PPP should stop dreaming of unity with PML-N.

I wonder what else has kept the two parties so cosy. PPP should not dream? They are living the dream these past 5 years! This has got to be the most ridiculous statement of 2012 and worthy of the No.1 Ranking! The elder Sharif has agreed to be a PM under the presidency of Zardari and Qamar Zaman Kaira has expressed similar adoring sentiments. A fantastic example of the great lies that are spoken to the public: foes on the front, alliances at the back.

This is my list of the top 10 statements of 2012, that deserve a place in my Hall of Shame. I may have missed out on some statements, for which I hope I can be excused for not having a news research agency at my disposal. Anyone who reads is welcome to share any statement that they believe warranted a position on the TOP 10 HALLF OF SHAME STATEMENTS OF 2012.

I plan on releasing another post at the end of 2013, or at the start of 2014. Without doubt, Mr. Dr. Allama. PhD Shaayirana Falsifaana Tahir-ul-Qadri must dominate that list. Till then, best of luck for a blood-free election!

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About Hamza

A freebird at heart, I believe I am past the age where I can describe myself. I mean, haven’t we seen enough rape of the most commonly used adjectives ? Unless I find something different to describe myself, freebird should do it !

Posted on January 28, 2013, in Socio-political Views and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. You think Altaf Hussain tops them all so well, he doesn’t even deserve to be added to the list ehh? Or maybe u can add him to the list of top 10 political singers of Pakistan alongwith Shehbaz Sharif =P

    • I did not count Altaf Hussain and Pervez Musharraf, as they are running everything from out of the country. I dont want to give them even the respect of categorising as a politician.

  2. Very very very very very..v.v.v well written Hamza!! It’s so damn true and friggin hilarious at da same time! 😀 This Hall of shame thing should serioulsy come up as a T.V show!! A big thumbs up for u 🙂

  3. LOL very well written Freebird! I think the population and atomic power comment should have topped the list. It is RIDICULOUS, shows how utterly STUPID and UNEDUCATED these bloody politicians are, they have no right to even lead a primary school let alone an entire country.

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