Unbelievable revelations about Food – what kills and what doesn’t !! FUNNY AS HELL ! :D

I received a mail on my Inbox sometime back. Here it is what it had to say. Some of it actually made sense !

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? 

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! ….. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!!
It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure? 

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? 

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention 
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, 
but rather to skid in sideways – 
Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – 
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and 
screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride‘ 
AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.
It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine

and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English
is apparently what kills you. 

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About Hamza

A freebird at heart, I believe I am past the age where I can describe myself. I mean, haven’t we seen enough rape of the most commonly used adjectives ? Unless I find something different to describe myself, freebird should do it !

Posted on February 10, 2012, in Thoughts Aloud and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. LOVE THIS POST! 😀
    Honestly, the gist of this has been my khandaan’s philosophy regarding food/exercise et al, since generations!

    And that picture, its too perfect for this post! :p

  2. Adnan Ahmed Ansari

    questions were more or less good but the conclusion was the pick ….. “WOO HOO what a ride” 😀 aaalaaa

    and btw speaking english kills, seriously :p

  3. Haha its hilarious every time I read it 🙂
    On a serious note, it is necessary for us all to be health conscious.
    Every facet of my childhood/ adolescence (studies, sports, other activities) was all too messed up coz of always falling ill.
    Thank God I have turned out to be a fine and healthy lad but because of my experiences I am very keen on having a healthy lifestyle. Because of being bipolar too I need to stay fit so as to have one less stress in my life.

  4. Hahaha Hafsa !!! Yes I love the kid

    Adnan, you got that right mate !

    Irfan, ofcourse it is important. Something that I need to learn from because I was once a very fit guy, not so much anymore 😀 But still, come on whales swim alot so where’s there shape ? 😀

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